Dizzy

Friday March 31, 2023 (Journal 2023)



This narrative was given to me by a loved one. I’m sure I would not have been able to provide this detail. The events described have not recurred. These and similar episodes occurred over a period of six days between 3/15 and 3/20.

On Thursday 3/16, during dinner, at approximately 8pm, a group conversation was occurring. Andy directed a question to you (not by name) and you didn’t respond in the first couple seconds, so I said your name to cue you into the conversation. Andy repeated the question. You looked up when I said your name, looked around the table, and it looked like you were thinking or starting to say something, but then you looked down and shook your head. You were not able to get a response out. This lasted for a few seconds and appeared as a noticeable inability to either process the language input or formulate any output (answer or get any words out).

The next day, we talked about what happened and you said you were having one of the dizzy spells at that time.

On Friday 3/17 in the evening at approximately 6pm you were sitting at the head of the table, actively engaged in conversation with me and Scott. You were getting Scott up to speed on your scheduled heart procedure, as well as actually describing what your dizzy spells are like. Polly was in the kitchen cooking dinner. In the midst of relaying all this to us, you went from speaking normally to struggling to get your thoughts out. You were still speaking, but you were getting tripped up on specific words, using a large amount of fillers like “uhhh”, and “ummmm” while searching for the right words, occasionally Scott or I would say the word we guessed you were looking for and you’d say “yes” and then move on with another sentence. Over the course of 3-4 minutes, you continued speaking while we listened and about once every utterance you got stuck on a word (couldn’t find the right word), or you used the wrong word in place of what you meant. I believe when you used the wrong words a few times (2 or 3 times total), that you may not have comprehended that the wrong word came out because you continued your utterance without hesitating. (Here is an example of the word replacements that were tripping you up: “I was riding my bike over the balcony when I got a flat tire,” you substituted the word “balcony” when you intended to use the word “bridge.”)

On Friday 3/17 during dinner, at approximately 8pm we were all engaged in conversation. You were mid-sentence when you trailed off into a pause and stopped speaking all together. The empty pause was noticeable and lasted about 2 seconds, so I asked, “should I get the blood pressure cuff?” (since the plan was to take your blood pressure the next time you had a dizzy spell). You nodded in the affirmative but did not say anything. You stayed seated facing forward and I placed the cuff on your right arm. You pushed the button to turn it on with your left hand. You didn’t speak the entire time the cuff was taking your blood pressure. After about a minute you said something like “thank you, good call” and then a few minutes later, after the blood pressure reading was complete and the cuff was off, you resumed normal speech.

You reported to us that you had dizzy spells about a dozen times while driving on Thursday 3/16 and another dozen or so times while skiing at Deer Valley on 3/17. Then they decreased and all but went away by Sunday/Monday 3/20.



More About Nothing

Thursday March 30, 2023 (Journal Entry)



I’ve been remiss. I haven’t written here for a few days. Let me just say, I don’t write here for you, I write here for me. While I admit, in the back of my mind I like to think that some of what is posted here might be of interest to a curious few, I’m under no illusion that what is here is probably only enjoyed by myself.

There has been a lot on my mind of late. Writing helps me to sort things out. I’ve learned that I have CAD. It’s not the end of the world, but it is a surprise and something I need to grapple with. In addition, I’ve been told my memory may be suspect. Curious that. I still know how to write, and enjoy doing that. It gives me great pleasure actually, but I tend to write about today, or at least recent events, rather than the past. (Let’s not jump to conclusions, I’ve never written about the past, and it’s possible I’m not the sort of person lives in, or even thinks much about the past…)

Where does all this leave me at the moment? I’m not completely sure. I do know I’m going to keep writing. Keep skiing. Keep cycling. Keep enjoying the people I love and the people that love me, and keep myself in the best health possible so all these things can be enjoyed. When you stop to think about it, there really isn’t a lot more that you need to do.



A Post About Nothing and Anything

Wednesday March 15, 2023 (Journal Entry)



It’s been awhile since I have written anything here. Ten days to be exact. That seems like a long time to me. I’ve been wondering the last few days why has it been that long. The best answer is that I’ve been preoccupied with other matters. Important matters, but matters too boring in nature to write about. What is interesting to me is how easily we can be diverted from the things that bring us joy and pleasure if we allow events to distract us.

Sometimes when I sit down to write (I do that daily even if it doesn’t show up here) I have a clear idea of what I am going to say. Other times, I have no idea, this is one of those other times. I’ll admit, it is strange to try and write when you have no idea what is about to come out of your head… At the moment it’s just about making connections and allowing those connection to lead me somewhere.

Where that is leading me at the moment, is an examination of why I write. Writing brings me joy and pleasure. To be perfectly honest (with myself) I’m also compelled to do it. I can’t completely explain that. It is partially a hope that occasionally I will come up with something to be proud of. It’s also a necessary therapy. Who I am is a big part of my urge to write, or to be slightly more precise, discovering who I am is a big part of my urge to write. It’s’ a journey of discovery. It also stems from a desire to leave a mark somewhere that says “I was here,” even if there is no “here” and any mark one leaves is fleeting at best. I’ll be the first to admit that writing a good novel, or writing about some sort of discovery, or most any other subject for that matter, would be more interesting than writing a boring blog, but you have to go with what you know, and I know there’s no novel lurking inside of me.

If you’re still with me (I’m pretty sure I would not be if I were the one reading this) I also think that writing is good for your brain. I think it helps prevent “creeping brain deterioration”. That is a technical term. I don’t want to be one of those senile septuagenarians that can’t put two words together unless they were fed to him by someone on TV. Staying young and having thoughts that are mine alone, thoughts driven from within rather than dictated from without, is my goal. I wouldn’t necessarily say that more people should blog and fewer people should tweet, but I guess I just said that…

It comes down to this I suppose: this is my creativity. Creativity is an important ingredient for a satisfying life. It’s important to find some act that fulfills that need. Creativity can be integral to a rewarding life when it’s recognized and embraced. Besides all that, it’s just damn fun.



TransAm Tidbits

Monday March 6, 2023 (TransAm 2023)



With a certain amount of luck, I will be starting the TransAm Bicycle Route on May 5th. Needless to say, I’m very excited. It’s been four years since I rode across the country and this second tour is way over due. In 2019 I rode the Southern Tier route. This time I’m going to follow the classic TransAm route. This route was established in 1976 for the “Bicentennial.” Below are some pertinent facts. I’m planning to ride east to west. I’ll be blogging the adventure here, just like I did for the Southern Tier.


Mileage (Route Order)

State Miles(1) Total Miles
Virginia 577 577
Kentucky 506 1,083
Illinois 134 1,217
Missouri 304 1,521
Kansas 531 2,052
Colorado 431 2,483
Wyoming 462 2,945
Montana 335 3,280
Idaho 347 3,627
Oregon 482 4,109

(1) Another “Virginia Surprise.” This is the state that presents the longest crossing of all the states on the itinerary.


Mileage (Average)

State Mileage (Average/Day)(2)
Kansas 59
Wyoming 58
Idaho 58
Kentucky 56
Montana 56
Oregon 54
Missouri 51
Virginia 48
Colorado 48
Illinois 34

(2) Elapsed time to cross, 78 days total (not counting rest days).


Elevation (Total)

Elevation Elevation (Total) (3)
Virginia 26,500
Oregon 20,100
Kentucky 17,200
Colorado 16,500
Missouri 14,600
Wyoming 14,300
Montana 12,000
Idaho 8,400
Kansas 8,200
Illinois 5,900

(3) The total elevation is equivalent to 5 times the height of Mt. Everest - without the oxygen deprivation.


Elevation (Per Mile)

State Elevation (Feet/Mile)(4)
Missouri 48
Virginia 46
Illinois 44
Oregon 42
Colorado 38
Montana 36
Kentucky 34
Wyoming 31
Idaho 24
Kansas 15

(4) The way I look at this one is, how much of your time in the saddle will be spent climbing… not necessarily how difficult the climbing. To gauge the overall difficulty I don’t really have much to go on. I am pretty sure that Kansas will be the flattest. Note: It is scientifically proven to be “flatter than a pancake.” See: Is Kansas Flatter than a Pancake.


Probably the big surprise in these numbers is how much elevation Virginia dishes out. Before I dug into these numbers, I was planning to ride west to east. I changed my mind based on prevailing weather patterns around my anticipated May start date. I was also worried that it might not be a good idea for an old man to start the ride in a state that requires a lot of climbing. Well, now I know that Virginia will be kicking ass to the same degree that Oregon does, if not more.



Letter of Gratitude #1

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)



I can’t believe how lucky I was to have found you. It amazes me every day. I am grateful to you for sharing your life with me. You are helping to give me the best years of my life.


Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.



Letter of Gratitude #2

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)



Thank you for being a wonderful mother and giving me my two oldest daughters.


Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.



Letter of Gratitude #3

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)



Thank you for being a wonderful mother and giving me my youngest daughter.


Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.



Letter of Gratitude #4

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)



To my oldest daughter: I am grateful to be sharing this life with you. The joy you give me is beyond any I could possibly have imagined, or hoped for.

If time is a never ending river, I look forward to skiing with you for as long as the waters flow.


Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.



Letter of Gratitude #5

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)



To my middle daughter: I am grateful to be sharing this life with you. The joy you give me is beyond any I could possibly have imagined, or hoped for.

If time is a never ending river, I look forward to hiking and camping with you for as long as the waters flow.


Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.



Letter of Gratitude #6

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)



To my youngest daughter: I am grateful to be sharing this life with you. The joy you give me is beyond any I could possibly have imagined, or hoped for.

If time is a never ending river, I look forward to hanging out with you for as long as the waters flow.


Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.



Letter of Gratitude #7

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)



To be a lifelong skier has brought me immeasurable joy. I cherish every day I am able to challenge the mountain. The mountain, like life, holds secrets that can never be fully revealed, but the challenge to try is always there.


Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.



Letter of Gratitude #8

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)



Whenever I need to find peace and confidence, cycling gives me what I need. Cycling is my Zen. I love it as much as life.


Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.



Letter of Gratitude #9

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)



Simply being in the outdoors is as much as anyone can ask for. I’m so grateful to nature for being there to sustain me and to lift me up.


Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.



Letter of Gratitude #10

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)



I am grateful to all my friends and family. I marvel daily at how fortunate I am to have all of you in my life.


Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.



Letter of Gratitude #11

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)



I am grateful for my cat. Pure happiness is the reward for loving a cat. I hope I have given you as much love as you have given me.


Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.



Letter of Gratitude #12

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)



Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.



A Letter (To My Cat)

Journal Entry (Tuesday February 21, 2023)



I recently received a letter from our Homeowner’s Association stating that I am out of compliance with Section 3, Sub-Section 7, of the HOA’s “Covenants, Conditions, and Restrictions.” When I first glanced at the letter all I saw was “CCR” and I immediately thought I was going to be reading a story about Creedence Clearwater Revival, no such luck. It turns out they were writing to complain about you! I did not realize that “black and white cats” are forbidden from being seen on any property within the HOA. I view this as discriminatory, and even predatory, but the plain truth is, I don’t have much of a leg to stand on. You see, HOAs are allowed to regulate just about anything they want to. Heaven forbid you should choose to lounge on top of my Toyota Tacoma, that would be double jeopardy, since “recreational vehicles” are not allowed to be seen inside of the HOA either. (I’m not sure how a passenger licensed vehicle can be considered “recreational,” but it is. It may have something to do with the hi-lift jack and spare wheel on the back, but I’ve seen spare wheels mounted on the back of RAV 4s, so it can’t possibly be that.) Anyway, I digress. I solved MY problem by parking my Tacoma outside the main gate, so EVERYONE has to drive by it and look at it on their way into the HOA! But back to you my furry friend. As a sign of how much I love you, I am NOT going to make you go outside the HOA just to sun yourself. I’m going to let you sit on the back patio where you are mostly concealed from view, it’s not as sunny I’ll admit, but your just going to have to deal with it, as I have…



Too Many Toys?

Journal Entry (Monday February 20, 2023)



There are those that say you can’t have too many toys, but there is a practical limit for most people. The question is how to discover where the boundary on that limit lies. I may have reached it. When I go to my storage unit to look for outdoor gear (I have a storage unit for gear, that’s a clue) I don’t know where everything is. That’s not just an organization issue, it’s also a sign you may have too much “stuff.”

The trick is, not to die with too much stuff.

Ya. You don’t want to make your kids deal with all your shit. Alleviating this problem is also known as “Swedish Death Cleaning.” I don’t really think it can be said this is exclusively a “Swedish” practice. It makes a lot of sense regardless of where you might be from. The basic concept is to give all your stuff away before there is a need for your children to deal with it. Not only will they thank you (probably not posthumously, just to be clear) but death cleaning allows the recipients of your shit to make use of the gifted items sooner. My Sweetheart often chides me, “why do you have two of those?” Her intent is to point out to me the redundant nature of my purchasing habits. What she is REALLY doing is pointing out my purchasing DEFICIENCY. You see, I have three children… TWO of everything is not enough to make ALL my children feel appreciated when the time to distribute all my precious acquisitions.

For the record, I haven’t completed my “cleaning”. I still have a lot of shit that hasn’t been dealt with. I’m going to assume this is a good sign when it comes to my personal chances for longevity. Nevertheless, It’s probably not too soon to start thinking about where all my shit will eventually end up residing…



Bicycle Touring

Journal Entry (Sunday February 19, 2023)



When I decide to do a solo bicycle tour, I ask myself, why? What is it I plan to accomplish? For me, the main reason comes down to the satisfaction derived from completing an epic adventure. The word “adventure” isn’t exactly right because I don’t think of it as an adventure in the sense that most people probably do. I would consider a true cycling adventure to be pedaling somewhere like Patagonia, or Turkey, or the Far East. It seems to me that a cycle tour of the U.S. (which is my plan) is certainly an adventure of a lesser degree. For sure, I view it as an accomplishment, an epic accomplishment. There are other reasons for doing this besides the feeling of accomplishment.

There is the experience itself. The riding. When you approach an undertaking like this with the right mindset, it can be a zen experience. For someone that would like to practice medication, but doesn’t know how (I’m trying) this is the easiest way to get into a zen state of mind. I find going solo for a period of time is refreshing and renewing. I’m the sort of person that is dedicated to the people I love, but I need time to rest and reflect and renew in order to be the best partner, father, friend, that I can be.

There is another reason to do a bicycle tour, to give me time to write. I love to write, but don’t confuse that with being a writer, or even wanting to be a writer. Being on a tour gives you built-in time ever day to write. It doesn’t hurt that each day presents no shortage of things to write about. When I finish the tour and have a collection of stories chronicling the journey, the stories become another accomplishment. An accomplishment almost as rewarding as the tour itself.

There is one more reason. I want to try and paint along the way. I’m not a painter. Don’t know how really. The idea of helping to tell the story through paintings just seems like it would be another epic accomplishment… It goes without saying that I will take lots of photos along the way. Of course photos can easily be used to supplement the written stories, but I like to think that hand paintings would be an even more intimate way of doing so.

There are other reasons to do an adventure like this, it’s different for everyone. These are just kind of my things.



The Man

Journal Entry (Saturday February 18, 2023)



There once was a man from Seattle.
He loved the city.
One day, he went into the mountains
For no particular reason.
It was a long time before he emerged.
When he did, he was changed.
He spoke to me in a way
I have never heard before.
The more he spoke to me
The more infatuated I became.
It wasn’t long before I found myself
In love with him.
The more we conversed
The deeper the love became.
I don’t think I can live without him…

A poem by Bing Chat



Missing You

Journal Entry (Friday February 17, 2023)



Most people wont understand what I am about to say. The hardest part of taking three months out of my life to ride a bike across the country is missing the most important people in my life. It comes down to two, my sweetheart and my cat. (There are others, but for the sake of this story, we’ll keep it to two.) Which one I will miss more is not open to discussion, of course it will be my sweetheart. The problem that keeps haunting me is she understands what I’m doing, she is even going to meet me a couple of places along the way and at the end. My cat has no way of knowing that once I leave I will be coming back, and the longer I’m away, the more he will miss me.

Ah, I can hear you say “what makes you think he’ll miss you?” The answer is simple, he will. He waits at the door for me to return whenever I go out of the house. When I take a shower he lays by the shower door on my towel waiting for me to finish. He sleeps on the bed at my feet and occasionally he will even snuggle by my head. (That is unusual for a cat, even one as devoted as he is.)

I am thinking seriously about taking him with me, but he is an older cat (like me). I’m not sure he would have a good time and I’m not sure I can handle the extra weight. I’d have to pull him in a bike trailer. That combined with the panniers is probably just too much weight for me. Still, it makes me sad to think I’ll be away from him for such an extended period of time.

What does my sweetheart think about all this? She thinks I’m crazy. I can’t blame her. I will say in my defense, and to her credit, she brings him into the bed with us more often than I do, which I find charming as hell. That said, I’m sure she still thinks I’m a bit obsessed.

Deciding to go on this trip would be easy if it weren’t for the damn cat… But I love him and I’m seriously conflicted about all this.



Just Another Post

Journal Entry (Thursday February 9, 2023)



I’ve been dealing with some disappointment these last few days. I have realized that starting the TransAm on the West to East route in mid-April may not be the best plan. Everything I’ve been reading says don’t start before May 1. Even then, you can run into some late storms in Colorado… but as one person said, if that’s the hand you’re dealt, you won’t be the first person to take on the W-to-E challenge that early…

To get some additional data points, I drove from Redmond to the bike shop in Prineville to chat with the folks there. Prineville is a major stop on the TransAm. The folks there were awesome. I asked them about TransAm visitors and we talked at length. They showed me their guest book, people that have passed through TransAm over the last nine years. The earliest I could find going through Prineville West to East was May 10th… I guess I better wait until the first of May to start my journey from the West coast. This visit turned out to provide some very good empirical data.

That’s it then, I’m going to start on the West coast in Florence Oregon on May 1st. May Day. It will certainly be memorable to say I started on May Day!

That reminds me of 1976. I was cycling the West Coast and I stopped on a Saturday night in Florence Oregon. The Ranger at the State Park was a college intern, my same age. She checked me into the campground and in the course of our conversation, discovering I was Catholic, invited me to Mass at the local Catholic Church the next morning. I accepted. I was a different person back then, maybe not better, but more orthodox for sure. She was a beautiful young woman, so of course I went to Mass. The next morning, with en eye out for her I met her Father. He offered me a job on his fishing boat. (I have trouble to this day understanding that.) Life is strange. I was tempted to accept, but a part of me wanted to finish the journey I had started, so I continued South. I entertained the notion of returning to Florence to meet my Park Ranger again, but life is terribly unpredictable, that was not in the cards…

Much has transpired since then. A lifetime in fact. That said, I could not be happier. The woman that currently shares my life is the perfect expression of whom I want to dedicate myself to. She is my everything. I love her, I am fortunate to have found her.

A note about writing. Writing is not easy. I have been working on this post for two hours. I’m no Hemingway. Please don’t judge me too harshly.



We Welcome

Journal Entry (Sunday February 5, 2023)



We Welcome…
All Races
All Religions
All Countries of origin
All Sexual orientations
All Genders
All Abilities
We stand with you. You are safe here.

That was a sign in the window of my favorite bike shop in Seattle. When I went inside recently, I asked the person helping me if he was Bill. I was informed I was talking to Hannah. I apologized and we went on to have a great conversation about bike packing gear.

I don’t care if I was talking to Bill or Hannah, or anyone else for that matter, as long as they had good advice for me about bike packing gear.

I can’t help but think what a beautiful world we would all be living in if the words on that sign were words that everyone lived by on a daily basis…



Performance Art

Journal Entry (Saturday February 4, 2023)



I saw an interesting piece in “The Atlantic” about digital media. The premise is that today’s media has made performance artists out of all of us.

An interesting proposition.

The article was referring specifically to Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, et al., but it certainly raises an interesting question for me. Is this blog “performance art,” or is this genuine writing.

I have to admit I use the phrase “genuine writing” a bit tongue-in-cheek. It is my intention to be genuine, and to write as well as I am able, about subjects that I think are important, nevertheless, is this a form of “performance?”

I suppose I’m not the ultimate judge of that, but is it enough to say I don’t intend this writing to be performative…

Since no one reads this anyway, I suppose all of this is rather moot…



My Brother

Journal Entry (Friday February 3, 2023)



I’m not breaking my promise to avoid political references… (see yesterday’s post) the following is much more than a political statement, it is a proposal for how we should all live our lives.

The genius of Marcus Aurelius is that not only as a leader, but also as an individual, he dispensed knowledge that all of us should consider taking to heart. I hope to incorporate the following into my daily practice.

“First thing every morning tell yourself: today I am going to meet a busybody, an ingrate, a bully, a liar, a schemer, and a boor. Ignorance of good and evil has made them what they are. But I know that the good is by nature beautiful and the bad ugly, and I know that these evil-doers are by nature my brothers, not by blood or breeding, but by being similarly endowed with reason and sharing in the divine. None of them can harm me, for none can force me to do wrong against my will, and I cannot be angry with a brother or resent him, for we were born into this world to work together like the feet, hands, eyelids, and upper and lower rows of teeth. To work against one another is contrary to nature, and what could be more like working against someone than resenting or abandoning him?”