How to Have a Phone Conversation
The first thing to mention is, when someone calls you, you have an obligation to pick up the phone. I start with this rule since I have a habit of not always following my own advice. The corollary to this rule is when someone asks you to call them, it’s bad form to wait two or three days before you get back to them. If they call you before you have gotten back to them, you know they are a better friend to you than you are to them. Now that we have these ground rules out of the way, we can get down to some finer points.
The next first thing you should always do is say “Hello.” That part most of us can manage (yours truly included). After that, the outcome of the conversation, good or bad, is up to whomever dialed the numbers on the phone.
If there is no particular reason for your call other than to say hi and chit-chat for a bit, have at it. The chance of running afoul of your listener in that case is slim. If there is a specific reason for your call beware of two things:
- Does your listener want to talk to you about your subject? It can be hard to know the answer to that in advance, yet, if you stop and think about whom you are talking to before you place the call, the answer to that might be clearer than you would guess.
- Open the call by not going directly to your purpose, instead try and relax your listener and place them in a frame of mind that makes it easy for them to engage with you before you get around to your subject. Bonus: you may get a “volunteer” answer to your question without having to initiate the dialogue yourself.
If you have made it through the first two steps and your subject still has not come up, then it is probably time to launch into the reason for your call. This is where things can go sideways. You always have to make sure your subject is one your listener is willing to engage in. That requires listening and interpreting the verbal signals you are receiving. If you detect any hesitancy at all, it’s probably best to simply bail-out of the conversation by steering it back to chit-chat mode and leaving the matter you wanted to discuss to a future opportunity.
I am writing this piece of instruction for myself.
I often fail to be a good listener. I often hurry to get my two cents in and I don’t pay enough attention to the other person. You’re never too old to change, but it does require a bit of reflection and work. I shouldn’t just pick up the phone and dial, I should be thinking about my listener and putting myself in their shoes before I take the plunge.