Journal Entry (Thursday January 12, 2023)
This is a post long overdue. Although it is personal in nature, it reflects where I am at this stage in my life, which is simply, less afraid to share my feelings. I realize words like these can sound cliche, but this is truly my best attempt to share a realization and a feeling that has been a long time in coming, one I hope will define the rest of my life. This is the most important thing I have ever written, and probably will be the most important thing I ever write. If you stop reading here, I will have no regrets and I will be perfectly content. if you read on, do me a favor and come back to these words once in awhile, I will be doing that as well…
I’ve been asking myself lately, what is my gift. At first I was looking at this from the perspective of what is my gift to the world. That is much too broad in scope. After a few days of letting the whole idea rest, it came to me (just now in fact) that you have to look at your daily life and extrapolate from that to the world at large. Suddenly, it become clear quite quickly that there is nothing more important than you. To have found you is truly remarkable. A gift greater than I had hoped for. Not exactly true. I knew in a way too deep to depend on, that you were out there. I’m a pragmatist and a romantic. The pragmatist in me wasn’t sure I would find you, the romantic hoped that I would. Both of us got lucky. I found you. Now I realize clearly what I have wanted, what has been missing, and what I want to give going forward, that is my love to you. I suspect you know this, you are a lot smarter than I am, but it makes me feel good to be able to express this to you. Never mind that it has taken me as long as it has to find you and for me to realize what my gift is, that’s how things work I suppose. Now that I realize what my gift is — to love you, I also realize the gift that has come to me, the gift that I treasure above all others, your love for me. These two things have brought me to a place never before experienced, where I want to reside, a place from which I can share myself. So the gift I give to you, and the one you share with me, is now also the gift I give to the world…